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Listen to the full program here. Strengthen your marriage or the marriages in your church by hosting one of our Focus Marriage Conferences or attending one of our Weekend Marriage Retreats. Our speakers and counselors lead couples through biblically-based lessons to enrich and deepen relationships. Many women with hormonal imbalances don't know why they feel overwhelmed, agitated or weepy.

When Rhonda couldn't manage her emotions, she needed to find a way to help her marriage survive. It's easy to keep our character flaws covered up when we aren't living in the most intimate covenant relationship on earth — marriage. But married life has a way of exposing us. What questions should you ask a young man who wants to marry your daughter?

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Answers to these 12 big, important, overarching questions might hold the key to your daughter's future happiness. For Couples in Crisis You cannot assume that over time her interest in new things and new experiences will develop. You will regret the decision and be forced to live with that regret for ever. A woman who spends every penny you have and drives you into debt to satisfy her impulses is a terrible and destructive creature.

It bespeaks a lack of appreciation for effort, of a failure to understand value, and a corrupted sense of balance that can destroy your throne from within. Wealth is necessary for power in the dark world. The poor are powerless unless they are a mob, and a mob is destructive and consumes wealth with riots and devastation.

A woman who is a profligate spender has negative wife value as she will piss through every hard-earned dollar you deliver and demand more with unending greed.

How to KNOW When She's WIFE Material...

A successful marriage is also a business. A woman with no respect for the value of money or the critical bedrock of wealth cultivation is a drain and not a profit; a thief and not a partner; an entitled child and not a producing adult. You must never partner with a woman for whom wealth is a careless stream of pouring gold that she has no hand in earning and preserving. You must absolutely be adamant on sincerely held and jointly shared financial goals or your assets and property will never move beyond the mediocre or the desperate.

Ensure that your calculation of her wife value is in large part founded on this determination of her monetary discipline and her inherent, deeply held respect for the value and power of money. By the time you are contemplating a marriage proposal you will have an informed assessment of her financial situation. Be wary of gaps in sensible money management.

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Be disturbed by callous disregard for savings. Without adult behavior from her in the financial realm you will be stuck with a gratuitous and wasteful child. The romantic vision of marriage is often permitted to inflate beyond rational perception by the ease of divorce and the lack of serious social consequences for the abandonment or betrayal of the marriage contract. Having an unhampered exit often means that marriage is entered into with an expectation of leaving if circumstances are frustrating or the fantastic balloon of romance is punctured.

A lifetime pair bond will not take place where the relationship and the legal contract are viewed as merely tools for personal satisfaction and pleasure rather than a deep and fundamental redirection of vision and purpose. It is properly the transformation of a sole proprietorship into a joint venture. That requires that both parties have a clear and compelling joint vision and a strong and devoted adherence to its success.

It also requires an acknowledgment of the reality of the dark world and a realistic expectation that serious, shattering and potentially tragic impacts upon the relationship will take place. She will abandon commitment when dissatisfaction reaches challenging levels. Her professed values and her stated beliefs are important to consider and reflect dispassionately upon. Her actions and behaviors indicative of trustworthy character or transient, unreal commitment must be contrasted with those words and weighed.

In general the more entitled a woman feels the less regard she will have for boundaries and commitments. A lovely woman is bombarded with suitors; a stunningly beautiful woman typically finds that it never stops coming. Often it is not the actual exercise of an option that a woman desires, but the existence of the choice itself.

When the contract of marriage shuts the door to that power of choice the result can be an unpleasant rebellion in the female. I do not mentor with compassionate love. I am not your parent. I mentor ruthlessly and with brutal honesty because that is the only way to effectively teach you the realities of the dark world. The brutally honest truth is that the fidelity of your wife and her loyalty to the marriage cannot be known until the ultimate test comes and she is directly faced with that decision.

You have no choice in the dark world but to rely on a single, powerful and terrifying pillar:. Trust means the complete acceptance of risk. Risk, accepted, means exposure. Denying the dark world has no effect on its remorseless and inexorable reality. Fearing the demons of the dark world does not provide safety from them. Hesitant and tentative probing into the dark world is not a substitute for striding with power and strength into the heart of the life within.

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Possession of a strong work ethic means that she does not slide into lazy and soporific disgrace. As a man you have a vision, a mission and goals. With a spouse who embodies a strong work ethic and an insistence on accurate competence you have a partner who will help you push. Her ability to remain focused on the prize, to push and push and exhaust herself with effort, to hold fast to a vision and deploy the utmost of her capacities in the realization of that vision is an irreplaceable fountain of power for you both.

Without these qualities you will be entering into a lifetime contract with nothing more than a spoiled teenager who refuses to get a job and pull her own weight in a legal partnership that is incredibly expensive, difficult and time-consuming to dissolve. Observe the quality of her attention to detail as she embarks on the completion of a task.

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Assess the thoroughness of her efforts and her ability to surmount challenges with effort, perseverance, consistency and sweat. This will be most powerfully revealed in her care of her children and if her work ethic and professional competence are lacking you will find her to be an inattentive, disengaged and uncaring mother and your children will be unbathed, unclean, inappropriately dressed and badly raised both in practice and by example.

Marriage is hard work. That is a well known expression yet the deep and vastly imperative truth of it is often misunderstood. It requires ceaseless work. It is exhausting, infuriating, unreasonable yet acutely rewarding work. If she does not apply herself with industrious determination now, she will not do so for your marriage when the chips are down, the resentment is palpable, and the work to restore harmony in your home seems insurmountable.

When you calculate her wife value you must not fail to determine her ability and willingness to work hard, work endlessly, and work with extreme attention to the last remaining detail of a task. Your calculation of her wife value must include her ability to blend with grace into all potential environments in which you plan to achieve. A pig in a gorgeous evening gown is still a ridiculous and uncomfortable animal. A classy, beautiful woman in a trashy cutoffs and a wet tee shirt is still an admirable, captivating creature.


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You will be limited by your wife to the extent she cannot seamlessly move in different and disparate social circles with both ease and ability. Few women possess it. Trial: Bring her to disparate environments where expected conduct is explicit and deviation from that conduct results in ostracism. These are signs of poor upbringing. You will not have time to teach manners and social respect to a woman who does not possess them. It is a function of her parentage, of acceptable behavior at her childhood table, and of her practice of these skills until they are understood and deployed without confusion or mistake.

A woman will not rise to your level of class. The prime directive of the damaged woman is to feed and prey upon man after man in a futile attempt to satiate the starving horrors of her internal dialogue. But how can you determine if your current romantic partner is the best of the best for you? This kind of assessment comes up in a variety of contexts.

Consider, for example, something that may seem entirely unrelated to relationships: determining whether a baseball player qualifies for the Hall of Fame. The task requires wading through dozens and dozens of highly qualified candidates, each with various outstanding characteristics, to determine who warrants permanent enshrinement. Still, no candidate is absolutely perfect — just like finding a quality relationship partner. There are two general ways to make assessments: data and your gut feeling. In a sport like baseball, with a plethora of statistics, a data-based approach makes sense.

But for a player to be truly Hall of Fame worthy, numbers may not tell the whole story.

Deserving of Hall of Fame enshrinement?

It should be visceral, a player should feel like a Hall of Famer. But intuition is an important component of decisions , especially social ones. Clearly, people rely on instincts in a variety of situations such as deciding which job to take, which daycare is best, and who you should date.

Trusting your own feelings is sometimes necessary because expert information is hard to access — published research articles are often locked behind paywalls — or written in a way that defies comprehension. And of course, the very nature of science and statistics is to focus on what is most typical in a population, instead of what is best for any individual.


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  • In fact, some experts admit to using intuition themselves. A study revealed that marriage therapists acknowledge using their intuition and consider it a valuable tool in clinical settings. Even though James is a statistician, the Keltner List is intentionally nonscientific. Back to relationships. A similar process can help you determine whether your current romantic partner belongs in your relationship Hall of Fame.

    In crafting each question, I consulted the existing research to ground it in the science of what contributes to a healthy relationship. The questions focus on what matters for serious, long-term, committed, sustainable love.